April 23, 2021
Losha's Insights re. her Healing Journey - How We Sabotage Ourselves
I have been working recently with a healing specialist to help me heal my emotional issues from my childhood years.
As challenging as processing your childhood emotions can be, I want to tell you all that I am now happier, and feeling more liberated, than I ever have in this lifetime! I believe it is worth it, at least for me.
I think many of us are already aware of exactly what our specific issues might be...and yes, awareness of one’s issues is the first step toward healing them...however, if we don’t heal them completely then we will continue to sabotage ourselves in our daily lives, whether we are aware of it, or not.
While working with Rocky about my emotional issues in my past, he taught me to begin looking more closely at everything that I do and say, in my present life...and boy, has that been a big eye-opener for me!
The primary area that really stood out to me was when my head would begin to hurt, due to my brain injury.
To provide a little background here, let me say that Rocky and I agreed to permanently change my use of the phrase brain injury, to my brain awakening...which I love, because it is completely accurate. If I had not sustained my brain awakening, I would not be here now, typing these words, and being blessed to be able to channel John F. Kennedy’s words and messages!
So, a few days ago, I was lamenting (to anyone who could hear me) about how lousy I felt...oh, woe is me! LOL! Then, something clicked inside of me...I remembered how I would always be feeling lousy when I was very young, because that was primarily the only time I received a lot of nurturing from my mother. Her daily life was consumed by her parents pulling her into their own marriage problems, and trying to get her to choose sides. Looking back, I am sure it was an excruciating time for my mother.
However, as a young child back then, it was not my responsibility to understand how my mother was feeling...I just wanted to be Loved and Taken Care Of. That may sound very callous to say, however, it is the Truth...at least, it is "my" Truth...and that is all that matters in this instance. I am finally learning to "honor" my own inner child’s feelings and experiences.
Additionally, I think many of us, after we have become adults, understandably rationalize what we experienced when we were younger, even though it does not accurately reflect what we truly experienced when we were young and vulnerable. Hence, by rationalizing our earlier experiences as our usual stuff now, it allows us to keep from having to delve deeper into our subconscious, where our true feelings lie.
So, here I was, complaining about how lousy I felt, and remembering how I used to use it with my mother in order to receive some kind of Love, and then I had another realization...I also use my feelings of discomfort to give myself an excuse to not succeed in my life...if I felt badly, then how could I be expected to accomplish very much, and to be successful?
I know this feeling, all too well...any time in my life, where I have come up against the challenge of needing to learn something different, such as a new skill, in order to move forward in my life (and to "be successful"), I would feel my stomach knotting up in fear of having to learn something new...something unknown...something uncertain...something I would not be able to have control over.
I hope that it is now becoming clearer to you, that as we begin to delve into what we are truly feeling, then a multitude of other feelings and experiences also come flooding upward, from our subconscious mind, into our conscious mind. Once it reaches our conscious mind, it is up to us how we want to deal with it all...we can just stuff it into the far recesses of our minds hoping to never think of it again...or, we can "make a note of it" in our minds, and tell ourselves that we will keep our mind open to whatever additional thoughts and feelings arise regarding that topic...or, we can choose to be the most courageous person we know, and begin to allow our inner child to share their very real experiences with us as the adult, because our current "role" is to be the loving Guardians of our precious inner child. Being as your inner child is THE most important version of you needed in order to heal yourself, we need to learn to listen with intent and non-judgment to that little child, so we may heal the "small me", and also our adult, grownup self.
Now, I have listed several “reasons” for my excuse of feeling lousy...and they are all valid. However, the most important feeling that lies beneath all my other feelings regarding my feeling lousy...is the almost universal feeling that all of us humans experience during our lifetime...and that is, the feeling of "being unworthy to receive Love."
The feeling of not being worthy enough to receive Love is the primary emotion and issue behind almost every reason out there, if you break it down far enough to get to the most basic reason for your troubling issues. I am personally working on this very important feeling/reason for most of my emotional issues...and it will take some time to get there. I did not get this disturbed with my life all of a sudden but, with help and guidance, I AM already beginning to believe that I AM worthy enough to receive Love again...and what a wonderful feeling that is! It makes all the tears and effort worth it! (don’t forget...there are tears of happiness, too!)
Well...I think I have lectured you all long enough! I thank you for giving my words some attention. I felt compelled to share my insights and feelings as I go through the introspection of my earlier childhood challenges, and turn them from negative feelings, back into positive feelings about myself! I just keep telling myself...one baby step at a time...and we can all get to our Happy Place of Love!
I wish you all much Happiness, Love and Joy in your lives!
I am here if you would like to talk!
Blessings to you all! Love, Losha.
Image above: I am the littlest one!
There comes a time when you can identify with other people’s life experiences and see yourself in some of those situations. Trying to find your healing works during the process but feels like the issues visit and revisit. Questions surface that turn the healing upside down???? Any thoughts??
Losha, I admire your bravery and generosity in "going where few have gone" in your sharing. It is a beautiful part of our times that people are daring to examine and break old patterns and programming that do not serve. No longer must we wonder "what if...." and then sigh about what might have been, and say, "That's just the way I am.." Your photo looks almost like you are standing with your mom on a train platform. What a journey you have taken!
😊I hope that I am as brave as you are being. Rocky cut our last session short as I was so
physically exhausted that I could not really cooperate. I am trusting he will know the time
to restart. Thank you for the example you are.
Margaret
How brave you are! Way to go, how wonderful you will
feel when you move through this, and free you will be.
Blessings to
you,
Michele
Thanks for sharing. I am 54 years old and the middle child of two brothers. My dad was a chronic alcoholic and my parents married at 19 and 21. My mom provided us with necessities but never spoke of alcoholism. In college, my dad fell down our stairs and could have bled to death. My mom called 911 after talking to my older brother and filed for divorce afterward. I was side blinded and never connected that my dad was a chronic alcoholic. My memories had been suppressed. My dad had been in at least 10 different treatment centers during my child hood. I would come home after school and he was passed out on the kitchen floor. I remember…